“I alone don’t know”
-Tao Te Ching

Occasionally you’ll meet someone who seems to have it all figured out. “It” meaning their life and work and how they shape it. Based on my experience in my own life and from my experience of coaching other succesful people, I can assure you that everyone is always trying to figure it out. It seems to be human nature to desire growth and change.

Next time you meet someone seemingly “invincible” remember that they are human just like you and trying to figure it out in their own way just like you. Someday soon people will proudly declare this publicly and it will not be perceived as weak. It will not be taboo to discuss such matters and people will openly work on figuring it out together. Of course if you look around you can already see people doing this. There is great strength in not knowing. This much I know!

In conversation and writing, I often feel drawn to use the phrase “Human Scale.”  The idea I want to convey is that there are certain things you can clearly understand in relation to your life.  To me, human scale means that the entity of observation can easily be understood and experienced on a deeply human level; It can be felt from end to end.

As it turns out, I didn’t make up this phrase.  It’s been around for some time.  Even though there are some measurements built into this definition, I am going to add another: human collectives.

I think collectives can be defined by Human Scale. One-on-one relationships are obviously the most human scale.  The larger the collective, the less you know and understand all of the individuals that make up the collective.

For example, I can clearly understand my relationship with my wife, my family, and my small business co-workers.  These things are all human scale.  Several years ago I worked for a large university.  The university had a ‘personality’ in its architecture, marketing, and programs – but I certainly could not understand it in the deepest sense without knowing the people that made it up.  In this sense, the organization itself, is beyond human scale.

Anthropologist, Robin Dunbar, observed that there is a magical number beyond which a human collective can not maintain it’s deep understanding of each member from end-to-end.  The approximate maximum size is 150 and it’s called Dunbar’s number.

Some reasonable human scale relationships/collectives:

• Small business.
• Family.
• Neighborhoods.

Some relationships/collectives that are beyond human scale:

• “The Economy” or The Market.
• Large Corporations (thousands of employees).
• National Government and Nations.

In my own life, I have noticed that I most enjoy interacting with collectives that are close to human scale.  I like walking into a bakery where I can see the owner and feel how this institution relates to my community.  I do not like getting on the phone to talk with my health insurance provider (large company, does not “know” me at all).

As a collective increases in size:

• Relationships to other humans are based on statistics (numbers on paper)
• Communication is based on script (when communicating with a customer) and marketing (when communicating to groups of customers or potential customers).
• Decreasing numbers of people understand it.  For example, no one really understands the market or the economy (there are guiding theories but much is still conjecture – hence the debate about the stimulus package).

What I make of these observations is that with all of the size we have created, it is still the human scale relationships that matter most to us.  I suspect that as modern civilization continues to evolve, if we continually find that large, disconnected collectives do more harm than good, we will eventually move away from them and back to simple human scale relationships.  The internet (or its future form) is the tool that will allow this to happen.

Just a thought… but of course it’s all beyond human scale which is all I can really understand!

Maybe I spent too many years living in a large city or perhaps I didn’t have the youthful confidence or peace.  In either case, I spent the past 10 years of my life walking around my neighborhood streets with eyes averted when I’d pass other people.

Juxtaposing this habit, I fondly remember a guy that I would see at a park in Berkeley several times per week.  Every time I passed this guy he had a big bright smile and would loudly say hello.  His greeting was so genuine that it infused my soul and put a pep in my step.  I have also witnessed my father-in-law become rich with stories of making friends out of strangers and my aunt who does the same in the establishments she frequents.  Having watched these people in every day situations, I saw how full their hearts get from even the most routine interactions throughout the day.

Several months ago, partly inspired by these people, I decided that I would open up to life on the street.  No more averted eyes!  Head up and take in the moment.  I began my little experiment by saying hello to my neighbors (strangers at the time) when I would see them outside.  I would start the conversation with a simple compliment about their house or yard, or perhaps a question about the house that had been intriguing me.  Sure enough, this simple outreach began a conversation, more exchange of laughs and smiles, and 5 minutes later I knew my neighbors a bit better and my soul was more full.  Now when I see them on the street we greet each other by first name and we both have the chance to smile.

This simple act took confidence at first.  Even now I find that I must drop all of my thoughts and get present in the moment to say hello to a stranger and mean it deeply.  The practice itself has become addictive because of how good it feels from the energy that you get back.  I smile and say hello to many others who look just like I did a few months ago- head down, eyes averted.  Sometimes it catches them off guard, but when they see your honest eyes you will get a pleased smile and genuine eye contact in return.  It always amazes me how powerful little changes can be in your life.  If for no other reason you should try this just because it just feels good to smile.

If you try starting your own campaign, please report back with your findings!  Email ben(at)theartistfarm.com

Think of something that you find good or bad, ugly or beautiful.  On the surface this would be a subjective thought.  But if you dig beneath the surface thought you can define the components of any topic.  Start by asking the question: “why?”

Ask yourself what aspects of this thing you can define or measure that makes you determine whether it is good or bad, ugly or beautiful?  If you are talking about a house, perhaps you are defining beauty by: style of house, window size, color, materials, location, etc.  With each element, you can dig further into your definition of beauty by putting guidelines or measurements to your definition.  For example: I find the most beautiful window size to be no more than 4 ft height per every 12 feet of elevation.

Once you get the aspects defined, the statement becomes objective and makes discussion or negotiation with someone else much easier.  You might even find that arguments go away completely.

A few days ago I had a “blind business date” with a guy named Rob Douglas co-founder of a video production company called Squid and Beard.   (Interestingly, he has a video project in which he interviews local heros to highlight how these individual threads comprise the fabric of our community).  Rob mentioned the idea of “being part of the conversation” several times.  I had been thinking loosely about this idea recently so I asked him to clarify what that meant for him.

Fusing his words and mine, ‘the conversation’ is happening all around us every day.  The conversation in particular is how to positively push, direct, and affect civilization – this big human experience – while refining what it means to be human.  The conversation happens in both thoughts and actions – in business, in the home, in your community, and online.

There are three things I want to mention about the conversation:

1. Who is in the conversation? If you are reading this then you are engaged in the conversation.  It’s open to all.
2. What’s the best way to contribute to the conversation? As with all conversations I think it is most effective to listen, absorb and digest some ideas, experiment in your own life, analyze the results, and then contribute your findings back into the conversation.  This system helps base the conversation in personal fact/experience rather than conjecture.
3. Where is the conversation happening?  The conversation could take place with your friends, online through a blog, in your workplace, or in your community government… anywhere really.

The conversation is happening.  It’s more interesting with more people involved.   And there is room enough for everyone.  Spread the word!

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P.S – I’d like to read and learn from you how you engage in the conversation.  Drop me a line at ben(at)theartistfarm.com if you’d like to have a conversation about “the conversation.”  I enjoy knowing what you are working on, learning from you, and feeling what we are all creating together.  Thanks!

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It is often proclaimed that networking is a major key to success in business.  I have also read often about the success that coaches and mentors can have on careers.  Coaching implies someone who helps bring out the best in you on a certain area of your life.  Mentoring implies that there is a more senior business person advising someone younger.

What I’d like to recommend is another type of business relationship that I didn’t read much about in books, nor did I see it much in the companies I worked for prior to being a business owner.  I’ll call it the peer-to-peer relationship.  Peer-to-peer implies two people of similar standing getting together to talk about business and life.

I have some friends whose businesses encourage this (record labels, law firms) idea.  Many businesses I have seen don’t.  I suspect this is because it is not seen as a valueable way for an employee to grow.  The common thinking is that you come into the office, spend 8 hours there, and then go home.  But, in the Business of You, you can certainly employ this strategy!

To get some Peer-to-Peer meetings rolling, find people in your community who interest you.  Or you can ask friends to connect you with like-minded people who you may not know.  Then simply drop them an email briefly explaining who you are and how you know of them.  Ask them out to an afternoon tea/coffee at a cafe.   This ‘blind business date’ is a cross between an interview and networking.

Mostly, you are doing this to connect with your community but of course the business implications are there as well – you just may know the perfect employee for their company to hire or you may need their services at some point.  Another good reason to do it is to pull yourself away from the mentality of “I’m so busy, I could never do this.” and get you out of the office to enjoy some fresh air and face time which is always worth while.  Lastly, this is yet another way to share ideas, weave the fabric of your community together, and feel great for meeting more inspiring humans.

For those of you searching for answers in your life, I want to let you know that even though the search may be hard at times…  you will find what you are looking for.

Four tips:

1. You are going to find it inside of you by listening to and being honest with yourself.
2. It may not come all at once as an “Aha!” moment.  It will most likely come about through consistent practice of iterations.
3. Be patient.  It may not happen this month or even this year.  But each little advancement is part of the big picture.
4. Take action.  Be confident and take action.

The reason you will find it is because you are looking.  The biggest difference between you and the person that doesn’t find it is that you are actively searching.  Don’t give up on yourself.

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P.S.  Here’s a great article on the topic: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/66/mylife.html